Why bad luck loves deadlines

There’s an unexpected and urgent deadline. You’re thinking well that might be tight. But with effort and determination you’re sure you can do it. You take some deep breaths. Focus. You can complete 5 hours of work in 2. You’ll work hard, yet remain calm and composed. But that’s not what happens. That’s never what happens.

If it was just a matter of dealing with the deadline there wouldn’t be a problem. Sure you’d be a bit frantic and stressed, but it would be manageable. You wouldn’t suffer heart palpitations or good old fashioned rage. The thing is, you’re never dealing with just the deadline. It’s the random bad luck that comes with the deadline that causes the biggest problems. It seems inevitable that as soon as your stress levels rise everything turns to custard. Loathsome lumpy custard. When I was a child my mum made (white) vanilla custard and my brother said it looked like pus-tard. That’s about sums it up.

Picture this. Me, this morning, I find out about a surprise deadline. I thought, well it’s going to be tough but I think I can make it. I was full of optimism and determination. I leapt out of bed, making a beeline for my home-office, and immediately stood in cat vomit. I stood still for a moment, trying to locate my inner calm. I then discovered more piles. I decided to temporarily ignore the vomit and just get on with my work. The cats won’t stop me I heroically thought as I tripped over the smaller one.

I (eventually) made it into my home-office and connected various cables. I have a large monitor, a tiny monitor and crap eyes. The big monitor wasn’t working. It was just all red. I’m used to the blue screen of death. And even the grey screen of indifference. But what’s this? The red screen of up-your-nose-with-a-rubber-hose? Typical. I felt a rush of stress, anger and had a brief tantrum. Then I persevered and continued with my job that involves serious attention to detail while squinting earnestly at a tiny screen. On the upside, I only experienced two random problems. And if it wasn’t them, it would have been some other random events attempting to derail my determination to complete a job.

What is it about deadlines that makes bad luck flock to them like seagulls to fish and chips? Last time I had a deadline I lost access to the internet right at the crucial moment. I used to have a theory that computers could sense increasing stress levels and start behaving badly. Sounds crazy, but it’s really common to have a computer crash or to lose your files while frantically working to a deadline.  

Sometimes the act of being stressed creates the extra problems we experience. Like when you’re running late so you rush then trip. The self-inflicted variety also applies to bad luck experienced when hungover. One time, many moons ago, when my partner was hungover to the point of still being completely off his trolley, he thought he’d go to work and well, work it off. To feel a bit more normal and awake, he made himself a good strong cup of coffee. He sat down to drink it and promptly poured it on his crotch. He then bent over and whacked his head on the table. If that wasn’t punishment enough, he managed to drop the mug on the floor so crawled under the table to retrieve it. While trying to stand, he banged his head again, finally stood up, caught his shirt on the table and ripped the pocket clean off. He took it as a sign and went home...

But what about when you haven’t inadvertently brought the bad luck upon yourself? Why, with good will and honest intentions, is it always just lurking in the background waiting for deadline stress to occur? Murphy’s Law is often used to explain such bad luck: what can go wrong will go wrong. I can see that this inevitable law of life certainly does have some explanatory power. An awful example happened to a friend of mine on her night out. She was all dolled up and looking glamorous, feeling really excited but also slightly stressed that she might bump into her ex. She made a stylish exit from the taxi, stood in front of the nightclub, glanced around spying her ex and wham, the taxi drove off with her dress caught in the door. She was left standing outside the nightclub in a dress ripped in half and her underwear showing. Yep. Definitely Murphy’s Law.  

I’m wondering though, whether there has to be an ironic connection linking events for them to qualify as Murphy’s Law: embarrassing disaster in front of an ex-partner or rain at a picnic, for example. Otherwise it can all get a bit random. If Aliens land and take over the world will we just shrug and say that’s just Murphy’s Law?…  Maybe there are other forces ensuring that everything works completely fine until there is a looming and unexpected deadline. There could be an extra law for deadlines of course. But I actually tend to think that the only possible, feasible and realistic explanation is that we’re all characters is a funny novel. Everything happens for comedic effect. And someone somewhere is laughing.